Daddy asked me to reflect today on my slavery, what it brings to my life and what I can do to deepen my servitude.
Today, I had a pretty bad freak out. I felt like this bottomless void had opened up and I just wanted to sink into despair and give up.
My Master is my life. He is the center of my universe. For a while today, I got really caught up in some emotions that weren't based in truth. But I have been reminded, by friends, of things that I know are true. He loves me, dearly. He comes home to me everyday because he wants to be with me.
Looking straight into the face of the despair, feeling as though I had lost him, I am reminded again of how much I need him. My slavery gives me structure. It keeps me safe. It gives me a sense of belonging and meaning. I love him so desperately. I get frightened sometimes of what would happen to me without him, but I'm not going to be without him. We made a commitment to each other and that is what is real.
As far as deepening my servitude, I feel the answer is always taking better care of myself. This is an area where I really struggle. I need to get to the gym, get enough sleep, take care of my health. These are the things that give me the emotional and physical strength that I need to serve him as well as I can.
Please forgive me, Daddy.