Cum from last night

... is still in my hair where he wiped it as they left me on the bed exhausted and used. 

A week or more ago Master mentioned to me that he had gotten an interesting message. (Most people, after looking over my profile, contact me... I am the sex object, but I am not the one in charge. The best way to play with me (and really the only way) is to go through Master.) The message was from a guy named Hadrix. Rather than contacting me, he wrote directly to my Master and inquired about the acquisition, care and keeping of a slave like myself. After some correspondence between the two of them, they decided to meet. I came along as an accessory.

Master asked me to wear a see-through top, but was kind enough to allow me to wear pants and boots. It was a chilly evening. I rifled through my closet. It probably took me 90 minutes to get dressed. (It's a challenge to find something that is both see-through and warm. That, and I'm terribly vain.)

Right around the time that I started getting dressed, I started getting nervous. 

We met in a dimly lit restaurant, unfortunately, not dark enough for any shenanigans. Hadrix was interesting. We enjoyed conversation over our meal, some about kink, some about life in general. I had a few drinks with dinner. When we had all finished our food, Master decided (but he respected my input) that Hadrix was alright. We invited him back to our place. 

We talked about getting more alcohol on the way back, but I felt so comfortable with Hadrix that I told Master that it wasn't necessary (which is truly a credit to him, my social anxiety is formidable).

When we got home, I stretched out luxuriously on the sofa. Hadrix and I were discussing materials for sex toys. He brought up stainless steel. I excitedly scampered across the room and presented for him my favorite toys: my Njoy pure plug and my Njoy pure wand. His eyes lit up in appreciation as I made myself comfortable on the sofa again, but Master had other plans. He stood over me.

"Take off your pants."

It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. I know better than to dawdle when Master uses that tone. My pants hurriedly thrown aside, my legs obediently spread wide, Master thrust his fingers inside me. 

"Cum, bitch." 

My eyes rolled back in my head, and I gave my body over to the waves of pleasure. Master likes to put me through my paces for guests, show off the capabilities of his slave. Master motioned for Hadrix to take over. With hardly a lapse, there was a new set of fingers inside me. Master walked into the other room to bring out our toys. (This is the point where the whole evening became fuzzy for me, i.e. I began my descent into subspace.)

Though my ongoing orgasm, I could make out fragments of conversation. Then, I heard chains. The sharp rattling of heavy chain shot through my reverie like a bullet. I know that sound. Master and I both have a set of clamps. Mine are decidedly gentler. These were not my clamps. I could tell by the sound. 

Master handed the clamps to Hadrix, who weighed them in his hands with appreciation. With one hand he reached down and tweaked my right nipple, hard, rolling it between his fingers. He pulled it slightly. Pinch, followed by searing pain, pain that makes your vision strange and your mind foggy. As the pain from my right nipple began to lessen into a dull roar... Pinch.

I cried out in pain as my vision whited out. 

Smack. A hand fell hard on my clit. I don't know who it was. I just remember the sting and the smart, the second blow before the pain of the first subsided, the third, the fourth... I lost count. 

(If this were a movie... we would fade to a white screen here.)


via GIPHY

I heard the sound of voices. 

Someone lifted the heavy chain from between my breasts. There was a subtle tug as a third chain was attached in the middle. Unceremoniously, my pussy was spread wide and the last clamp was applied to my clit, behind my piercing. 

"Get on your knees." 

In my haze, I sat up. Instinctively, I lifted the weight of the chain off my chest to alleviate the instant increase in pain. 

"Drop it."

I let the chain fall. I felt a tug as the chain fell, followed by a slow, but steady increase in pain from my nipples and my clit. 

"Crawl around the table."

Down on all fours, the chain swung with my body as I crawled. The clamp slipped from my clitoris. Without a word, I sat back on my heels and waited. Hadrix tried a couple of times to replace the clamp to no avail. He clipped it firmly to my pussy lip. The pain was surprisingly dull and subtle. I resumed my crawl. 

I rounded the table once. Twice. Three times. My consciousness continued to fade. The subtle pain from my vulva had increased to an ache that I couldn't ignore. There was nothing but the pain with every motion. Move right hand. Move right leg. Move left hand. Move left leg. 

"Back on the couch."

The pain subsided slightly as I laid back. But, I knew what came next. I gritted my teeth and turned my face into the back of the sofa as the clamps came off. I yelped. (Clamps hurt way worse coming off. At least the pain doesn't last.) 

Master brought out my dildo. (I will pause for a moment to mention that I like pretty sex toys... and I generally have expensive taste. My dildo, however, was a bargain and I have been very happy with it. If you are interested you can check it out here.) He pushed the suction cup firmly onto the top of one corner of the coffee table. 

"Fuck yourself. Now."

Obedient, albeit wobbly, I walked to the table, spread my legs and sat down on the dildo. The pleasure was a welcome change in the pain-induced haze, but the relief didn't last. The quicker I fucked, the more my legs began to burn. I tried supporting myself on the table to no avail. 

"Who told you to stop?"

I struggled to lift myself up. Seeing my exhaustion, Master allowed me to rest. Granting my earlier request, he ordered me to shower. 

I stood under the shower water, dazed. In fact, washing myself was a surprising amount of effort. Forget that, standing was hard. 

I turned off the water and toweled off. When I opened the bathroom door, Master gave me until the count of three to be in the bed. I dropped my towel and sprinted into the bedroom. I fell into bed just as he said, "One." 

Master handed me my wand and instructed me to squirt for our guest. I tried, but was unable. That has literally never happened before. "I'm dehydrated, Sir." I breathed. 

Master lifted my new pussy pump out of my toybox. He placed it over my vulva and began evacuating the air. It starts with a gentle tug, quickly escalating to an ache, increasing in intensity until I cried out. Master turned to Hadrix and said, "She loves vacuum play. She is such a good whore." 

They toyed with me, slapping my tits, pulling on my pussy using the suction. The pain was exquisite...dull, with an amazing sensation of blood rushing into my clit. My pussy lips and clit began to swell, increasing my sensitivity. Master released the vacuum. He reached down and fondled my swollen lips. Smack. His hand fell on my aching pussy. I screeched in pain. Surprised by the vigor of my reaction, a small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. He struck me again. I let out a second yelp, louder this time. 

"On your stomach, slave."

Master dragged me sideways across the bed. He took my pussy and Hadrix took my mouth. Everything was a haze. Master's thrusting from behind drove me farther down on Hadrix's cock. I struggled for breath. My eyes watered. 

"Cum. Now." 

Master never raises his voice, but I am trained to pick it out. Even in my nearly complete stupor, I heard his voice. My body went rigid as the waves of pleasure washed over me. I convulsed as Master continued to pound me. 

"Are you still sucking his cock, bitch?" 

"Get back down on it." Hadrix pulled my face down hard on his cock, choking me. 

"Don't you stop cumming or you will be in a great deal of pain."

I could hear the danger in Master's voice. I struggled to maintain my orgasm, clenching tight around Master's cock while greedily sucking Hadrix. (Pause for a moment here, if you have never considered before how difficult it is to remember to do so many things while deep in subspace. The only thoughts left are simplified. Pain. Pleasure. Breath. Fear. Now, try maintaining an orgasm, clenching, sucking and breathing, trying not to choke on your saliva and snot. Sounds tough, right?) 

I started to choke, coughing hard. I heard Master suggest that we all take a break. 


"Are you thirsty, little one?" 

I nodded my head. 

"Get in the bathroom. Head in the toilet. Have a drink."

I struggled to my feet and walked into the bathroom. I knelt, unceremoniously, before the toilet, looked over my shoulder at Master and began lapping at the water. Master walked around behind me and began fucking me again. I braced myself against the bowl to avoid hitting my head and kept drinking. When Master decided I was finished, he ordered me back to the bed. 

"Face up this time."

They took turns: Hadrix in my pussy, Master in my mouth, Hadrix in my mouth, Master in my pussy. I was only vaguely aware of the short breaks while they switched. 

Breathe. Orgasm. Choke. Vicious spanking. Breathe. Choke. Focus hard on cumming, trying to force whomever was in my pussy out by clenching. Breathe. Spanking. Just don't stop cumming. Focus. Don't stop. 

I have no idea how long they went on, only that it was in the wee hours of the morning when Master decided to call it. I stroked Hadrix as Master came hard inside me. I could feel his cock throbbing inside of me. Hadrix flipped me onto my stomach and fucked my face until he came, spewing his load into my mouth. I choked again and my eyes watered. Sucking every last drop off, I opened my mouth and showed him his accomplishment. 

I swallowed and collapsed on the bed. 

Sleep. 

Cum from last night is still in my hair where he wiped it as they left me on the bed exhausted and used.

Old Friends: Abandonment and Grief

Contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. I did something really stupid last night. Not only did it end up causing Master’s displeasure (which devastates me), but I’m fairly sure that I hurt the other person involved too.

This morning, when I awoke, I was still a little drunk. Last night, Master had told me that I was a “bad girl.” That is one of the most hurtful things that he can say to me. Don’t misunderstand. I deserved it. Master is still surprised, sometimes, by the vehemence of some of my emotional reactions.

All I remember is sobbing and feeling awful. This morning, when I finally had an opportunity to apply logic to my memories, I recognized the face of an old friend, Abandonment.

Abandonment and I have spent many years together. He is tall, and dark and slender to the point of looking skeletal. He has a hooked nose and tightly pursed lips. He wears a long black trench coat and a black wide brimmed hat. Sometimes, I can hear him calling my name, in a quiet voice like a whisper. If I draw near, his call rises to a shriek that makes me press my hands to my ears.

It seems to me that Abandonment is always hiding nearby, always waiting for me. We met when I was young, and he always comes to visit when things get rocky in my personal life.

Master said, “Bad girl,” and suddenly I could feel Abandonment walking beside me. His dark figure giving off cold rather than heat in proximity.

“You know what this means, little cat. How can your Master… care about someone as foolish as you, as disobedient?”

I could feel the disdain dripping from his tongue and sliding slowly down my spine.

“You can always come and stay with me, little cat. I will be with you until you die – as long as it takes,” Abandonment hissed.

Feeling alone, hurt, and sadly, more than a little drunk, I took Abandonment’s open hand. The dark familiar cold surrounded me. I was wrapped up in his spell. My ears were full of Abandonment’s screech. When my eyes adjusted to the glooming, I saw a small plump woman walking toward me. She was dressed like a poor housewife from the 19^th century. Her apron was smeared with flour and her boots sorely scuffed.

I ran forward to meet her, another old friend of mine. Her eyes were kind, but desperately sad. I don’t know her true name, but I have always called her Grief.

We didn’t need to speak, she nor I, nor could we have heard each other anyway. She took me gently in her arms and held me tight to her bosom. My body went limp as I lost myself in her embrace. Tears fell like rain from tired eyes.

I don’t know how much time passed. I barely knew where I was. Experience drove me to find and consume my sleeping pills. With the howl of Abandonment buffeting my ears and the warmth of Grief holding me tight, my body was wracked with sobs, but my eyes closed, and I slept.

It was disturbed sleep. I am purposely not remembering my dream. Upon opening my eyes, I discovered that my two familiar guests had snuck away while I slept.

Master was there. He came to greet me.

“How are you feeling, little one? Is everything ok?”

I nodded. He sat down beside me and held me close. I felt safe and calm in his embrace. I offered some explanation of recent events.

“All you need is a little more training. It’s not a big deal, just a part of the learning process and the process of making you the best slave ever. Keep in mind, I already think you are the perfect slave for me. I will never in my life have another.

You know that I will never leave you. You are mine and I will not let you go. It doesn’t matter what you do. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are the one for me. No doubt at all. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He bent his head and lifted my chin, so that our eyes met. He gently pressed his mouth over mine and whispered, “I love you.”

Writer's Block and Breaking Free

I have to begin writing again. But, I don't feel like I have that much to say. I'm sure that it's just because I haven't been writing regularly... and if I don't make a point of recognising them, all the interesting moments of my life simply fade into a sea of homogeneous experience. 

I'm jetlagged. Master and I just got back from Barcelona. We spent 5 days there with his family. This was a new experience for me... I've never been invited on someone else's family vacation. But, these people feel like my family too and it was good to spend the time with them. 

They tell you that if you don't know what to write just keep writing and finally something will come to you. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Well, I haven't had much luck yet. 

I have, however, started on a new venture. I posted a picture a few days ago. The caption gave people the opportunity to make photo requests of me. 

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you kids. I want to entertain you with my literative brilliance... But I'm at a loss. I could tell you about how I have confirmed my dislike of Picasso, how I have missed Master's cuddles while we have been traveling, how I'm concerned that his brother might suffer from depression... You tell me. Are those things that you want to hear about? Do you want to hear about the mundane ins and outs of my life? I could tell you about my job search... Normally, I try to keep this blog to really juicy kinky things. Do you want to hear about my real life? Please let me know. 

___________________________________________

Well, it's been a week since I started this post. I have been really struggling with my anxiety, and I don't think that there is a single force that is more deadly to my creativity. 

Master and I have continued to travel. I am currently in Indianapolis (for business). I am supposed to be attending a conference. I went for the first 2 full days. Yesterday, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was anxious and depressed. I felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of information that was being thrown my way. So, Master and I went back to our AirBNB and took the rest of the day off. The conference goes on for another full day, but we slept in and have spent a lazy day in bed. 

Yep. That means sex. For sure. 

It has been interesting for me to watch the progression of my slave training. Master has been very gentle of late because of my emotional lack of fortitude. However, looking back over the past 5 months, I am seeing changes. It is amazing how pliable I am in his hands. 

I am a strange combination between dependence and fierce independence. When I met Master, I would have vehemently denied that I was willing to be a slave. I considered myself a submissive. It wounded my pride to be called a slave. How quickly that changed... I found that within just a few days, I was willing to serve Master in whatever capacity he desired. I look back at it, now... A part of my personality that I considered so vital to "being me" melted away like snow before his heat. 

I have learned to love it when he slaps my clit. The first time, I thought it was one of the more painful things that I had ever experienced. He ordered me to keep my legs apart. I struggled and fought to keep my legs open, but every fiber of my being, all of my instincts, reflexes, screamed for my legs to close. I had to physically hold my ankles because I couldn't do it any other way. I cried, bitterly, from the pain. It was agony. Truly. Today, he did it again. Brought his hand down, stinging, on my clit. I happily exposed my pussy for his repeated strikes. Rather than agony, I writhed in ecstasy.

"Cum for me, bitch."

God, those words are so erotic. I allowed the waves of orgasm to overtake me. I panted and moaned as his hand continued to fall on my swollen and aroused clit. Harder and harder it fell. Each sting was stronger than the last. I grabbed my ankle to steady my legs and lost myself in orgasmic bliss. 

He knelt over me. He pulled at the waistband of his underwear. His fully erect cock sprang out toward my eager mouth. Side note here: I LOVE sucking cock. Love it. It is one of my favorite ways to tell Master that I love him. I took his throbbing cock in my mouth, gently passing my tongue around his head, while listening to his breathing become ragged with pleasure. He grabbed me by the hair and gently thrust his cock into my mouth. In and out. In and out. I relaxed under his control, and he guided my head. My tongue (secret weapon) swirled around him as he used my mouth. 

My jaw began to ache. I have TMJ and when I am anxious, it gets worse because I clench. Master was so gentle with me. I turned my head away and expressed my discomfort. Rather than the brutal punishement that I would normally receive, he pulled away. 

He moved down the bed and informed me that I no longer needed my pants. I laid on my back and pulled my knees toward my shoulders. We locked eyes as he eased into me. He thrust into me, harder and harder. I felt him slamming against my cervix. He commanded me to cum. He continued to pound me. Suddenly, he stopped and flipped me onto my face. He threw a pillow beneath my hips and entered me from behind. I love when Master mounts me. It makes me feel so completely owned. With my hips supported, I could feel his cock driving into the muscle wall of my abdomen. It is one of my favorite sensations. 

He turned me onto my back again. My ankles were on his shoulders. I love this position because it allows me to direct his cock straight at my g-spot. 

"Cum harder."

I clenched down hard on his cock. I pushed him out. I felt the warm wetness of my squirt dripping down my hungry cunt. He plunged in again. I pushed him out. More of my wetness coated his cock. He thrust in again. I tried to drive him out, clenching my pelvic muscles like I was trying to crush his cock. We fought like this, strength against strength, sweat coursing over our bodies. 

He withdrew quickly. 

"Take it, bitch."

I opened my mouth, and he came hard. Shooting his load into my hair, all over my face, and into my waiting mouth. I could feel the cum dripping down my scalp. 

With a charming smile, he helped me up and we went into the bathroom to shower. 

We leave Indianapolis on Monday. We are flying directly to Fort Collins to spend time with one of Master's best friends. It should be an amazing time. Really, all time I spend with him is amazing. I'm addicted to this man. I can't get enough. 

In spite of all the depression and anxiety, the unexpected twists and turns of life... Life is good. Life is really good.