Saturday, June 18, 2016

Abroad, but not unchained

Well, I am in Rome. One of my best childhood friends and I are spending three weeks traveling through Italy. It’s a celebration of finishing graduate school and getting my first big girl job. We have been best friends for years and years, but being in this kind of close proximity brings to light all kinds of things that we previously hadn’t talked about. I told her a few months ago that I was into BDSM. We didn’t talk too much about it at the time, but now that I belong to Master, it is finally needing to be discussed.

My collar has become a part of me now, just as Master has become a part of my life. They are both exquisitely permanent. The difficulty that remains is helping people to understand. It didn’t take long before Naomi asked me about my collar.

“Does that actually lock? It looks like it locks.” Oh absolutely, it locks.

So, I am on a journey through Italy in 24/7 submission, without my wonderful Master. It’s been difficult being away from him, and it has only been just a few days. I miss his love, the intimacy of being subservient, my place at his feet, his intensity and warmth. I have his commands from afar… relatively minimal contact and the weight of his collar around my neck to give me peace. But it is nothing like the real thing.

I have removed my bra and panties. Master requested that whenever I am where I am staying that I lose the undergarments. So, my nipples are peaked beneath my thin tee, and I can feel my clit piercing rub on the inside of my jeans. It’s a gentle reminder of who owns my body. His ownership makes me feel so secure.  While I am gone, Master is sending me commands to remind me of my subservience and remind me of his presence in my life. I love each and every one. I cannot imagine being anything other than obedient. He means so very much to me. I want desperately to please him always.

The other day, Naomi expressed some curiosity about the Dom/sub relationship: how it works, what it is like for me, how can someone be a sadist and not a horrible person...

That was one large glass of limoncello. 

I started by explaining that there are different types of submissives, that sub is a generic term, but that it generally indicates a certain set of behaviors. I explained to her that I actually consider myself a slave and that means that I have even less say about what Master does with me (by choice, of course). I explained to her that the Dom/sub relationship is based on trust, and that both partners enjoy the power exchange. We discussed how everything is agreed upon by both partners ahead of time, especially with new partners. 

I told her that I was raised as a submissive... with two controlling parents, having my life be out of my control and in the hands of someone that I trust is very comforting. We discussed how one comes to build that trust with another person. Master and I were able to build our trust very quickly. Originally, it was "You have never given me a reason not to trust you." That transitioned into, "You have given me so many reasons to trust you." In my case, I was blessed beyond belief. Master and I are from completely different backgrounds, but we share so much in the way that our minds work. He has no trouble reading my needs and wants. He gives me everything that I need to be ok. (Don't, my dear readers, believe that he is soft on me. He isn't.) 

I explained to her that, as far as I understand it, that the edification that Master gets from causing me pain and degrading me is more about power and control than causing pain. Master is one of the kindest people I know. His sadism is separate from the rest of his personality... It's a bit of an outlier, really. I tried to explain it in terms of something that she already understood. 
Rape is a crime of power not of passion. It's kind of like that... except being expressed in a healthy way with two consenting adults. 
I think that made sense to her... it's so hard to explain these things to people who have no idea about the lifestyle and the patterns of thought that go with it. It feels like trying to explain the color green to a person who was born blind. 

Like I said, we have three weeks together. I'm sure that we will be discussing this more. I'll be sure to bring you all the play-by-play while I attempt to educate my very religious, conservative friend about my kink. 

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