Wednesday, May 25, 2016


This weekend ended like the Japanese war effort in WWII. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Face-melting explosion. Son of a bitch. Fuck. Radiation. Goddamnit. Nuclear fallout. Shit. Mother fucker. Dust cloud.  



But first, a little background. My parents are extremely conservative southern Christians, bless their hearts. They are the sweetest, most intelligent bigots I know. 

I moved to Washington about 6 months ago. I had finished graduate school and gotten an amazing job offer. (I had always planned on moving to the PNW anyway.) They fought me tooth and nail. Now, you might think that I'm probably old enough to make my own decisions, and I am, but my parents were very strict and controlling when I was growing up and to this day I still have trouble doing things of which they do not approve. But I knew what I needed. With my friends and my therapist backing me, I made the move regardless. 

Try as I might, I could not get them to see my point of view.

I am a libertarian, agnostic, bisexual submissive who grew up in a small town in Texas. My parents, up until this point, didn't really know these things about me. In a fit of extreme frustration, I told my mother that I was bisexual and that I was into BDSM. The awkward was certainly palpable. It didn't work. But, fast forward to the present. 

Master and I have been together for about a month. It's been completely amazing so far. I've been trying to share vanilla details about our relationship with my parents. Everything seemed to be going ok... 

On Sunday morning, I walked in to say good morning to my dad and was met with a very strange comment. "I am praying that you don't get AIDS." ...WHAT? What the fuck is going on here? The conversation that followed was a halting assurance to my father that I was being tested regularly and taking care of my health. I suppose most families have had conversations like that at some point... but let me add that my parents feel that sex outside of marriage is 100% not ok... let alone kinky sex. 

...Praying that I don't get AIDS. Wow Dad. Thanks. 

I let it go. I figured he wasn't feeling well, or was in a lot of pain (from a chronic injury). I did mention it to my mother the next day. Her comment was, "I don't think he meant it like that. Try to take it the best way possible." Very helpful. 

But, the status quo seemed maintained. 

And then I made a gross miscalculation. The morning I got ready to leave, I put on my collar. My mother was pretty restrained and quiet for most of the drive. Then, the last half hour, she finally said what she wanted to say. 
I know what a collar is. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Do you think I'm an idiot? These decisions that you are making will not lead to your happiness. You have bought into a lie. You said you wanted to get married and have children. This life doesn't make that possible. Your dad and I are so worried about you. Cue the waterworks. You have to forgive yourself for your past. I'm sure this is why you are doing this. God loves you. You are a princess. Jesus has already forgiven your sins. We have a pretty good idea that you met [insert Master's name here] on some S&M website. He doesn't love you. This isn't love. It endorses a culture of violence. Here's the good part. You must have watched a lot of porn. God loves you, honey. You need JESUS!
I was silent. There was no point. She was hysterical. Her heart was breaking over the fate of my soul, and all I could do was watch. It was one of the most miserable moments of my life. And this is completely aside from the fact that I was incensed, furious. I felt slandered, protective of my life and Master. As I walked away from the car with my bags, I did not look back. I don't intend to for quite a while. 

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